Friends With Benefits

There are times in every woman's life where her body wants either what her heart can't handle or her brain knows better. …guys just always want it.

Men however, because of the basic difference in emotional design, can separate emotion from commitment from physical involvement and intimacy….at least for awhile.

The net result is that everyone wants what they know they shouldn’t have….something that will likely cause problems, regrets, and possibly a pregnancy or abortion that will have to be dealt with. At the very lease someone will get hurt or feel like they got used and abused.

Men seem to be able to spend the night with a woman and then pull on their pants and wander off as if nothing happened.

But women often have a harder time of it. Women worry that we're being "used" or feel like they are a slut.

So what kind of compromises have to be made to have a FWB?

• Talking about “us” is strictly forbidden. Conversation has to be limited to “non-committal” subjects only…. impersonal topics like the weather, politics, shopping, and work.

• Meals are usually very limited. No significant investment is usually made in this “non-relationship.”

• Meeting parents or friends is usually not a part of the FWB deal. These introductions would be very uncomfortable. After all, a FWB is usually a dirty little secret.

Finally, a FWB is usually a “drive-by” event. A spur of the moment, casual, non-committal, hush-hush, quickie. Something that…..as soon as we meet Mr. Right or Mrs. Right….we hope we can forget.

But it’s not that easy.

We can’t forget.

We have formed a “soul-tie.” With each intimacy, we discover that we have given away a little piece of our heart…..a little hope that this would be a commitment…..we find we have changed.

And it hurts. The “drive-by” creates a sense of loss that we can’t explain.

If it is supposed to be OK, why can’t we explain it? It ought to make sense but it doesn’t.

Here’s why.

Women are designed for commitment, to give, to love, to be a part of a secure and meaningful relationship. Women are designed this way by God. Men are designed to protect, provide, and balance the intimate relationship with their commitment.

When the committed relationship between a man and a woman is reduced to a “drive-by” impersonal, physical game……everyone pays a price.

How to fix it: Follow the advice found for relationships in the Bible. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.